Sunday, December 23, 2007

Hence the Title...

Usually the question of marriage is bypassed - probably because I'm wearing a beautiful ring on the fourth finger of my left hand (or third finger, depending on what your definition of "finger" is). But the inevitable question after "What's your name?" is "Do you have any kids?" Now, I should be used to and ready for this question, right? It shouldn't irk me that a "well-intentioned" stranger wants to keep a conversation going by opening the way for detail-laden descriptions of labor, delivery, teething, diapers and illnesses, should it? But it does. Now, I love kids! Really - I think they're cute, say the darndest things and look like angels when they sleep. But, we don't have any. I usually respond with a laugh: "No, we have two dogs!" Even though they don't say the darndest things, they come close to kids on all other counts. (Please don't comment and say 'They don't have souls' or 'Do you think dogs are equal to humans?!?!' because I know we as humans are made in God's image and that dogs are only companions.) I love my dogs - Eric and I constantly comment (as we sit in the living room at night with dogs draped on us and the furniture) on our family and how nice our dogs are. Now, we are not "Mommy" and "Daddy" and the dogs are not our "kids" but we are a family, nonetheless. I wonder if I should tell the questioning public that we're content in our childlessness right now - that it doesn't mean we always will be, but for now, we're trusting God with our fertility. I wonder if they need to know that we've taken all the tests, looked at all the "normal" results and then my husband and I say "Well, it must not be time yet." Do they care that I don't want strange drugs pumped into my body and even stranger procedures performed on my husband or myself? Will they be shocked to learn that we're not ready to adopt even after being married for seven years? If these people could get past their feelings of "Hmm.. I wonder what's wrong with them?" and ask me how this has affected our marriage, I would tell them: This childless time has given us a chance to really know each other, to grow together and to look at our life situation through very clear (and un-sleep-deprived) eyes. We haven't struggled with parenting together, but we've grown through other life lessons. We talk about the abstract idea of children alot and would be thrilled if a little Eric/Katie blend ever came along. But, we're also trusting God's plan for us - which seems to be a little different than most other people's. ("For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8) I feel a little sorry for those people that hope the "Kid Question" will bring about easy conversation - but my advice is, try to know your childless friends for who they are and not just for what situation they are in at the moment. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. It's easy to focus only on differences or similarities in a relationship and forget that people just need people to be there for them - even when they're at different stages of life. So, when you look at my blog name, remember, I'm more than just a married girl with two dogs - but then, aren't we all?

3 comments:

Andi said...

So well said! God knows what He's up to with you guys! I love you just the way you are! You actually have time for your friends :) Have a great Christmas!!

Anna Jo said...

Stupid people and their stupid questions:-) I'm happy you're in Omaha, and I gotta admit, kind of happy you don't have kids! Much more time for me!

KT said...

Thanks for loving me for me! :)