The Criticized Bride

A girl fantasizes about her wedding day for years before it actually occurs. Often, long before the groom is even in the picture. She thinks about the flowers, the colors, the pictures, the location and, of course, the dress, veil and shoes. I think this dreaming is wonderful. She gets to wish and hope for a spectacular, meaningful occasion.

Then, reality sets in. Family conflicts have a way of coming to the forefront during the planning of a wedding. And everyone has an opinion:

"That dress looks terrible!" (when it's the one she's dreamed about since she was 7)

"No one has a chocolate wedding cake!" (when she thinks white cakes tastes like sweetened flour)

"You have to have his second-cousin-once-removed in your wedding party - it's only polite!" (when she's never met his second-cousin-once-removed, and would like to have only close friends surrounding her for this important occasion)

"Why did she pick that song? That's not very appropriate for a wedding." (when it's the song that was playing the first time she held her groom's hand)

"Why didn't she pick so-and-so to do this-or-that?" (when she has very good reasons for these decisions)

I am a former wedding coordinator and I have played piano in numerous weddings since I was 18 years old. I've seen it done every way imaginable and heard every song imaginable (and a few other songs over, and over, and over, and over... you get the idea).

When I was a coordinator, I spent more than half of my meetings with the bride (and sometimes the groom) convincing her (and him) that it was her (their) day and if she wanted to do something a certain way, it was perfectly fine. I even had to talk down a few mothers, sisters or attendants when their insistence was wearing down a very frazzled bride. Many brides want their day to be perfect and, to make everyone happy, they do things they wouldn't have chosen for themselves.

I think every wedding is beautiful. Every detail should reflect an aspect of the couple's new life or their personalities. Many actions are chosen for a very specific reason, and I think my job - whether I am a merely a guest or am assisting them to create lasting memories - is to be happy that two people have found love and have chosen to spend their lives together.

(I'll climb down off my soapbox now... Enjoy your next wedding!)